In the social structure of middle school, bullying is often difficult for students to recognize. That's because middle school students tend to be much more forgiving if the bully is one of the "popular" kids.

Talk about bullying and encourage your child to:

• Focus less on who is bullying and more on what is happening. Are the actions dangerous or hurtful? Are the words mean or meant to cause a person sadness, fear or embarrassment? If so, it's bullying - even if the person who is doing it is someone who doesn’t have many friends.

• Think about how it would feel to be in the bullied child’s place. When kids “walk in another’s shoes,” they begin to develop empathy.

• React appropriately. Your child should never be a bystander. Standing by and watching—or

worse, laughing along with the bully—is almost as harmful as the actual bullying itself. Your child

should ask the bully to stop, or slip away and tell an adult immediately? 

So on the other hand.....

Are you teaching your child how to be respectful?

 Research shows that one of the best ways to show your middle schooler how to be respectful is to model this behavior for them.

* Obey laws meant to protect people, such as obeying the speed limit?

* Talk to your child about the importance of doing so?

* Speak respectfully of teachers and all they do to help children learn?

* Demonstrate courtesy and accept people’s right to beliefs different from your own?

* Make it a family rule to treat others as you would like to be treated?

* Demonstrate moral reasoning? Let your child see you wrestle with such questions as, “What

is the right thing to do?” “How would I want to be treated in this situation?”

How well are you doing? More yes answers mean you are modeling respect and social awareness for your child. For no answers, try these ideas.

Many students who drop out of school between ninth and twelfth grade started down that path in sixth, seventh or eighth grade. Studies show that, without intervention, sixth graders are 75% more likely to drop out before graduation if they:

• Miss class 20 percent or more of the time.

• Fail math or English.

• Earn poor grades in a core course due to behavior issues.

 You can help lead your middle schooler down the right path by:

• Expecting your child to attend school every single day. Students should miss school only if they are sick or there is a family emergency.

• Talk about school and what your child is learning each day. Say that education is important to

your family and you expect your child to work hard.

• Emphasize that you believe in your child’s ability to learn and be successful in school.

• Encourage your child to become involved in extracurricular activities. Students with ties to

school beyond academics are more likely to stay in school.

• Work with teachers. Tell your child that you and the teachers are all on the same team and want

the best for your middle schooler.

If your child is underachieving, here are 3 things to get them back on track:

1. Show you care about your child as a person, not just a student. If a long lecture about getting

better grades were the trick to motivation, there would be no such thing as an underachiever.

Make time to talk with your child about life, opinions or topics of interest. This helps your child feel

valued—a key step in building motivation.

2. Recognize improvements. It might not thrill you if your child earns a low C on a history quiz. But

if the last quiz grade was a D, your child has made progress. A pat on the back with a simple, “You

brought your grade up. I believe in you!” can work wonders.

3. Harness the power of friends. Consider enlisting the help of one of your child’s friends. “Grant is in your history class. Maybe the two of you could study for the next test together.

It’s a new calendar year and a great time to help your child establish goals for the remainder of the school year. While your middle schooler should be the one to set goals, your support and guidance will help.

Encourage your child to do these five things:

1. Be realistic. If your student has struggled in the past, bringing every grade up to an A in one quarter may not be a realistic goal. Encourage your child to identify specific areas that need the most improvement, and set goals to address them.

 2. Write down goals. One study found that when people wrote down their goals, they were 33% more successful in achieving them than those who didn’t write them down.

 3. Plan. Accomplishing goals takes vision, effort and time. If bringing up a science grade will take an extra 30 minutes of study each night, your child may need to cut down on time spent on other activities.

4. Check progress every few weeks. How is your child doing? What changes, if any, should your middle schooler make?

 5. Review goals at the end of the next grading period. Your middle schooler should create a maintenance plan for achieved goals and an action plan for those that haven’t been met yet.

Source: M. Price-Mitchell Ph.D., “Goal-Setting Is Linked

You might be thinking, no way, it's too soon, but the reality is students in middle school are far more likely to be exposed to drugs and alcohol than they were in elementary school. They are, however, less likely to experiment with them if they have received strong anti-drug messages from their families. that is why it is vital that you speak honestly and openly to your child about the dangers of substance abuse.

Address common misconceptions your child may have, such as:

• “If it’s so bad for you, why do you and other adults drink?” Alcohol use is legal for adults 21 and older. Adults, with mature brains, can safely consume limited amounts of alcohol, if they choose. There is no safe amount of alcohol for a growing brain.

• “As long as no one is driving, it’s not a big deal.” Alcohol and recreational drugs are both dangerous and illegal for middle schoolers. An arrest for either one will establish a record. Use at school can lead to suspension or expulsion.

 • “My friends say trying it a few times won’t hurt anyone.” In fact, studies have shown that young brains are especially susceptible to drug and alcohol addictions.

 • “Everyone says it makes you feel good.” The “good” feeling is temporary and deceiving. In the long term, both physical and mental health can be damaged.

 If you or anyone in your family is struggling with substance abuse, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). The call is confidential.